Sunday, June 10, 2012

On cleaning out my closet and not being drunk.

I am certainly not organized. I live for clutter.  Put my belongings in cute containers and it will take me years to find them.  Put my stuff in a pile somewhere and I'll find it in a hot minute.  I may "lose" things more often this way, but I always find them.  Now that you know this about me, let me tell you I have a walk in closet and a dresser with deep drawers.  I love myself some awesome accessories (I cannot be seen without some sort of necklace and a handbag) so those take priority in my attempt to organize.  After that I have what I refer to as my fall/winter collection, and my spring/summer line.  Twice a year, I remove the contents of my closet and drawers, and place them into plastic bins. I then take all the current season items and place them into said closet and drawers.  I always leave at least 1 off season outfit for that crazy warm or cold day.  These might be the only 2 days a year that I am this organized.

Yesterday, was the day I chose to swap out my collection.  While I do throw out things that I no longer wear, I decided yesterday I needed a pretty big purge.  As of right now I'm in between sizes,  so with the upcoming weight loss surgery, I decided to create a donation bag and I tossed in everything that was the largest size, that I didn't really like, and 1 or two things that I loved just to keep me motivated.  Then in the tubs I placed the rest of my fall/winter wardrobe thinking that the winter items would be way too big for me by the time winter came, and that the fall stuff would be supper baggy.  I realized for the first time that instead of worrying if the clothes would fit me next season because I had gained weight, this was the first time I worried about spending money on clothes because these were too big.  And, on top of that I worried that what clothes I did have to buy, wouldn't fit for very long, and would certainly not make it to the following season.  Then I realized I wasn't worried... I was excited! So off goes my bag of clothes to donate, and away goes my tub of clothes to donate at a later time.   I can't wait to start buying new things!  I have no idea what size I will be in anything, so I can't start shopping yet.  That is driving me a little nuts, but it's OK.  It's making the days go faster having that to look forward to!

So while the afternoon hours of yesterday went smashingly, the evening was something I was dreading. 1 month before the surgery and until 1 month after I cannot have alcohol.  After that I can never have a beer or soda (no carbonation), and I need to stay away from anything fruity like mixes with a ton of sugar or fruit juice. And let's not forget my new stomach will only hold 4oz. That is not a lot of volume, and from what I hear, alcohol hits you much harder and faster.  Now I'll be a super cheap date!  So now yesterday was Day 1 of no alcohol, and what happens..... I get an invite to stop by a local bar for a friend's Birthday.  Wow.. really? Why does life like to test us from the minute one?  The meet up time was 10:30 P.M., and I went back and forth all day about going.  While I felt that I would be strong enough not to drink, I felt that I would end up feeling awkward, having to answer questions about why I wasn't drinking,  and having to be around a group of people having a good drunk time, and I wouldn't feel part of the group. As of 10pm I was still on the fence about going.  Then for whatever reason a few minutes later, I felt as if I needed to be there.  So I got up from my computer, pulled my hair back, put my bangs in a victory roll, and decided I wasn't going.  I continued playing with the victory roll that was looking more and more like a flop instead of a roll, teased it up one more time, pinned it and said to myself that I should go. This go/no-go pattern continued through my makeup, and 3 different outfits.  Finally at sometime a little after 11, a victory roll, some purple eye shadow, and a skirt later I was on my way out the door. 

I had 2 iced teas with lemon, turned down an offer to taste a tanqueray and tonic after mentioning I always wanted to taste one, 1 more iced tea, and not a sip of alcohol all night.  I was in pictures, laughed amongst friends, and after the 2nd time I answered that I wasn't drinking, I laughingly corrected that thoughts that I was indeed not pregnant and I did not have a DWI. And because it is so much easier to discuss this on the Internet, I said out loud, to people I know and don't really know that well, that I was having weight loss surgery to help out an infertility issue.  I didn't go into a lot of details, and I didn't really need to.  Everyone was super supportive. 

So with less the a month to go, the first day of the hurdle was a success! I ended up with 3 iced teas, good conversation, and a fun time.  The cost = $0.00 (no charge for the iced tea), some clothes that I will no longer fit into, the future cost of buying new clothes,  the lack of a hangover, and the elimination of stress that comes with keeping this all to myself. 

Next hurdle: June 25th - The 2 week pre-op diet.  Nothing but protein shakes and 1 small meal, with NO chance of cheating because my surgery won't go well if I do.  Frightening.

Till next time! xoxoxo,

1 comment:

  1. I wrote a long comment and for some reason it didn't post so hopefully I remember most of it. First, thank you for your honesty, what an amazingly strong woman you are. I look forward to being able to (sort of) take this journey with you and can't wait to hear about your new outfits!!! You are making some large "sacrifices" for your unborn child and this blog will show him or her how amazing their Mommy (and Daddy) is. I know none of this is easy and it won't be easy for awhile but as a parent I can tell you there will be a day that none of it will matter. I promise you that. Your strength is awe inspiring and I'm actually choking up writing this to you (btw that's a side effect of having babies, so much easier to cry at things). All my prayers, support and thanks for being strong enough to share this with us.